Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Republican Playbook: What to Expect

Stephanie Miller, host of the liberal talk radio show, (The Stephanie Miller Show,1350 AM, KABQ, Albuquerque, 7 AM to 10 AM, weekdays) introduced a possible neo-con talking point for the November mid-term election campaigns.

"Put the NO back into NOVEMBER!
Vote for the Party of NO!"

By the way, for those who are unable to listen to the show, Stephanie Miller is exponentially hotter than any of the emaciated, "skeletor style" bleach blond babes from the other side.






The following is MeanMesa's offering to any newly elected neo-con who is wondering what the official platform of that strange bunch might be.  After all, the GOP votes unanimously against every bill that might possibly even remotely serve as evidence that Barack Obama is being an effective President.

Here are a few sample suggestions.  Once you get the hang of it, you'll be able to join the spectacularly unanimous zombie force intent on stopping ever effort to address any of our national challenges.

Official Republican Responses:

To banking regulation -

1.  Call your campaign contributors to see what they want.
2.  Water down any possible legislation until it is essentially useless.
3.  Vote against it, then collect your campaign contribution checks.

To immigration reform -

1. Check with the "Capitalists" who are employing illegal immigrants to see what they want.
2. Inflame the Tea Baggers with pre-arranged "talking points" furnished by the RNC.
3.  Vote against it, then collect your campaign contribution checks.

To education reform -

1.  Call your creationist friends to order more text books from the Texas Department of Education.
2.  Inflame the Tea Baggers with pre-arranged "talking points" furnished by the RNC.
3.  Vote against it, then hand the microphone to the nearest "dirty shirt preacher" while the cameras are still running.

To election reform -

1.  Mutter something about "State's Rights" as if the Jim Crow days were still going on at full steam.  Don't forget to drawl.
2.  Tell everyone that you are not a bigot.
3.  Go to the next suggested response.

To carbon cap and trade -

1.  Call your friends at the coal companies to see what they want.
2.  Add dire predictions of national economic collapse to your routine comments about "States Rights."
3.  Vote against it, then collect your campaign contributions from the coal companies.

To the restoration of "family values" -

1.  Pay off the "rent boy" in the back room.  Buy him an airline ticket to, uh, France.
2.  Add something from the Bible to your routine comments about the end of America, abortion, gay marriage, gun control, "States Rights" and clean coal.
3.  Vote against it, then hand the microphone to the nearest "dirty shirt preacher" while the cameras are still running.


Don't be nervous.
Just follow these simple guidelines and you'll do fine.